Once Upon a Hetalia
by I Dunno Tho
Summary: Prussia finds a mysterious red leather bound book in his diary room that magically brings him to the 'Once Upon a Time' universe filled with fairy tales from his childhood. He later discovers all the happy times he had with his little brother, Germany and learns to enjoy his short kingdom life.


I dunno know why the fish I'm writing this, honestly, I hated my other stories 'cause I was like : "what da heck do these people want to read?" plus how retarded I wrote, like really? So, imma sit and write the most dumbest idea I have ever had in my life. Ta-da! Introducing Once Upon a Hetalia! filled with adventure not to mention the most extinct thing in the Hetalia fandom : no yaoi pairings and country OCs running rampant that no one really cares about~! *Drum roll* I know people aren't reading this and are actually reading the story so...

Hetalia does not belong to me nor are the tales used and cover image

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'There stood a kingdom named Prussia, eyes moving rapidly down a line of stacked books. Although there was nothing to do there he had thought of staying in the dusty room to feel the nostalgia of his once powerful self, basking in his glory days where he was named the Teutonic Knights. He remembered a late relative named Germania who had taken care of him and his many brothers long ago. Looking out the nearest window - which was right next to him he caught a glimpse of his little brother with his weird friends. It surprised him that the clumsy, careless Northern Italy out of all people was a friend of his.  
"He sure is lucky." Prussia remarked as he graced his fingers on the spine of one of the many blue diary spines, "ah, I remember this one."

He opened the book to read, flipping a few pages to the near middle of the book, " 'Our small army lost because they used dirty tricks. We don't need Russia! It's cold there. It's cold there! This is fine after all.' " He remembered writing that back when he was out to conquer land and that time Russia had choked him for not being nice or somethin'. That Russia kid always used to be chased around by Denmark, Sweden, some mysterious kid from Mongolia now he was like some bipolar loner.  
"Now, what to do, what to do..." He asked himself, placing the book back in its place. As he placed it back another book fell, but it was a dark shade of red. To him it truly felt like a horror movie about to begin, he walked cautiously to the book, picking it up. How odd it was to find such a book. It had blank pages except the first page that had the words : 'This book belongs to _' Prussia closed it, inspecting its leather cover.

"Once Upon a Time, eh? Better return it to England so he could give it to Lewis Carroll." He said jokingly to himself. He took out a pen out of his uniform pocket and wrote his name in this fancy font. Closing the book he left it on a table as the sun started to set. He had forgotten to buy new light bulbs for the room and it wouldn't do to read in the dark. Walking to the door there was a bright light that made the room clear as day.  
Turning, he saw the leather red book opening quite quickly as pages were ripped out by the force of a mysterious wind. He was certain all the windows were closed as he placed his arms in an 'x' in front of him to avoid any harm from the flying blades of paper swirling about the room.

The Prussian was just about close to the book as he kept either arm up to his head as he used the other to wave in front of him to find the book and close it. The light it emitted was too bright for him to see through. By this time there were far too much papers flying around that it was impossible it was from a single book. He found the book, slamming it shut, as he did this his hand - which was still over the cover of the book to ensure it not opening again - started to burn a mark on the book. The sudden heat made him withdraw his hand, blowing on it like it would ease the pain.

Moving his hand the words : 'Once Upon a Time with Prussia' appeared on the cover. He was sure it wasn't there before. A even brighter light seemed to engulf him as he closed his purple-red eyes. His face met a hard ground as he looked up to see little Alice. "I ought to walk this path, sir, if you don't mind moving that is." Prussia had known this girl - Alice, created by the imagination of Lewis Carroll. He was a big fan of the book and both stories.  
"So, little girl, where are we?" "I've been taught many things and saying 'little girl' to a stranger is rude, you know. But, we're here in the looking glass house, of course."

Prussia smiled, excited that he was in a story he would write fanfiction about. "Do you mind if I tag along with you? I'm," he cleared his throat, now speaking in a British accent, "a bit lost, you see."  
Alice frowned, "sorry, I can't, I'm on my way to become a queen. I'm the second pawn and I'm almost there. You're probably the third pawn, well, I ought to be going now." Looking at the retreating little girl he sighed, he really wanted an autograph too.

The third pawn, huh? He looked at the checkered floor beneath him. This was going to be a long day. He walked on and on meeting people like the looking-glass insects, talking flowers, Humpty Dumpy, a Lion and Unicorn. He looked at the sky for any sort of time, but got nothing. "Where am I anyway? So this happened, then that happened... Oh the tenth square! Yippee! One more square and freedom-"

"CHECK!" Roared a voice as he turned to see a Rook that could only move in a straight line.

"CHECK!" Roared another voice. This time it was of a Bishop that could only move diagonally, it seemed the bishop was on his side and was 'checking' the Rook

The Rook looked at the Bishop angrily. "No fair, no fair!" It whined as the Bishop looked at Prussia then at the Rook, "wasn't it my turn to move? Surely it was my turn to move," he repeated onto the next sentence. Prussia looked at amazement as the Rook walked away from them and the bishop moved back, taking one more step Prussia felt his head getting heavier. He touched his hair to catch hold of something cold that seemed attached to his head - a crown.  
"Oh, you there," said a loud demanding voice, "you must be Queen Prussia. Come, come." It was the red queen and he wasn't sure to follow her until he saw Alice right behind her. He processed what the (other) queen had said : 'you must be _Queen_ Prussia.'

Prussia walked toward her in a faster speed than when he was a pawn. "Woah, um, can't I be a king?" He wasn't too fond of playing chess and had no idea how it worked. The red queen shook her head, "oh, silly, there can only be two kings : the red king and the white king. Let's go celebrate both of your becoming of a queen!" She grabbed both their hands as they ran in unison, at lighting speed.  
Soon enough they arrived at a castle guarded by a frog, he didn't seem to do anything for he had simply croaked to acknowledge their presence. The red queen let go of their hands and barged right through the doors. There sat the white queen, obviously tired of waiting for their arrival.

"About time!" She said, digging into her food. Prussia wrinkled his nose, but the smell of food eased him, but certainly not the sight. It was a mutton with a face. A FACE! "Mutton-Alice : Alice-Mutton. Mutton-Prussia : Prussia- Mutton." Prussia looked at the meat before him.

"C-can I eat him..?" Prussia said as the queens glared at him.  
"You absolutely can NOT! It's rude to eat something you were introduced to." Prussia crossed his arms with an irritated look.  
After a few crazy minutes the world around him seemed to become hazy. Alice was growing bigger and taller as she picked up the red queen, shaking her. He didn't do anything knowing it was actually a kitten from what he read.  
Looking glass house was becoming darker and darker until he could not see anyone. In half a second there was a blinding light that made him squint similar to the one in his diary room. This time he found himself in a village, a very old village actually.

He was fond of these kinds of villages back in his youth. His stomach churned as he clutched it, he was hungry. What kind of good food would a place like this provide, of course, something without taste for sure. He mentally sobbed at the memory of the wheat oatmeal people used to make in that time, horrible, but he was able to live through it, right? He walked down the dirt roads and sniffed the air.

A bakery! He just hoped he wasn't in England and they were actually making coals for food, he walked in anyway for the call of hunger was much too strong. There a baker held a dough roller in an aggressive manner as he stayed in place, walking slowly in a circle to survey his surroundings. He looked at Prussia and yelled. Prussia held up his hands in surrender, not really knowing what he was surrendering to.  
He ran towards the odd eyed man with the roller. The Prussian froze in spot for a second then ducked under a wooden table for the baker to swing it right above his head. There came a very squeaky voice after the baker had stopped hitting whatever he was hitting sounding like a five year old knowing what he was doing, "You can't catch me! I'm the gingerbread man!" Prussia moved from under the table and looked up at the surface of the table. Now the baker seemed even more furious, hitting the table just to catch the gingerbread man. A nice game of whack-a-mole or in this case whack-the-gingerbread.

Prussia looked at the running food. Germania had told him when he was younger that if he didn't finish his food it would run after him, it made him stay awake and be on the look out for food sneaking into his room to kill him. He stretched his hand and caught the gingerbread man. "I _am_ hungry..." He mumbled as the gingerbread runner tried its best to wiggle its way out. Thinking he would eat it like a gummy bear he took the leg off and ate it as the pastry screamed in either pain or horror, probably both.

Prussia had left the head for last, breaking it in half - throwing the half to the baker who quickly caught it in both hands, dropping the roller to the ground.  
"Ay, you deserve it." Prussia commented as the gingerbread soon became lifeless. Maybe eating something alive wasn't so bad after all, but that one Japanese dish that had the still moving arms of an octopus was something he thought he would pass. Then for the second time the light happened again as he was in a bright colored room filled with candy. The sugary scent that seemed to linger in the air slightly intoxicated him.

Hansel and Gretel! He loved that story, when Germany was younger he would him the adventures of the siblings traveling into the woods and finding a candy house where a witch resided. Prussia wanted to bring along his brother here to make his little tale come to life before his eyes. In came the witch, "hello my pretty, you're so frail! Time for you to eat~!" She grabbed the handle of the oven to take out a very well made apple pie. Little Germany had put in that extra detail in the story after they sat under an apple tree for hours each week.

"Ah, the days," Prussia smiled at the past. As the pie was dropped on the table in front of him, he glared at her for interrupting his flashback. He used his pale hand to rudely push the pie away from him, "I'm on a strict diet, my trainer says the calories are bad for my intake." He was referring to Germany as his trainer like he did for Japan and the tomatoes.  
The witch took her little wand, waving it around to make a little prison cage made of gingerbread and candy. The bars being candy canes. "You're kidding, right?" She left as Prussia got to work at eating at his prison of food. Once he was done the witch entered the room once again, waving her wand around aimlessly as he felt his now heavy form enter the oven. He sighed, feeling himself close his eyes. Talk about being a cannibal, but wasn't being a cannibal supposed to be human eating another human? Whatever the case was she was still insane. He was going to be preheated alive! He squeezed his eyes even more, now he felt the cold wind of the heavens.

He opened his eyes seeing a certain beanstalk as he held onto a vine unknowingly. If he was dumb enough he would let go and plummet to his idiotic death. He could just read his death certificate : death by beanstalk, yes, that was the life.

"The hell am I?" He had been talking to himself for the whole time wasn't he? He was holding onto a vine as he looked up and down. There was another person on the other side of the stalk he was hanging onto for his dear life. A young boy with peasant clothes. "You're Jack, right?!" He yelled, fearing he wouldn't hear him over the loud birds. "Yeah! Yours?!" "Prussia!"  
"What an odd name!" Jack laughed loudly as Prussia felt like he was the one to jump down the stalk and cut it down with Jack still climbing.

He climbed even faster till he reached the top of the clouds. He stomped on the clouds and blew on them to see a floor of stone, well that certainly explained everything didn't it? Of course people couldn't walk on clouds, right? Prussia glanced over to Jack only to see a trail through the clouds, he sighed as he followed it. He spotted Jack entering through the crack between the floor and the door of the giants' house.

"Can we just leave, kid?" Prussia said as Jack shook his head.  
"This is amazing! I have to explore it!" The younger farm boy exclaimed fitting himself into the home.

Prussia looked around, maybe that 'fee-fi-fo-fum!' weirdo giant person might come out soon. Turning to Jack he remembered the wikipedia page he read about the story. That child was a murder, a murderer! And a theft! Not so long later he heard the familiar phrase.

 **"FEE-FI-FO-FUM!"**

Jack turned around, grabbing Prussia by the arm. His magenta-purple eyes widened. He remembered when little West used to tug on his Teutonic white cape as he hurried to their small garden to show him his potato plant sprout a tiny green curl from the Earth. Prussia knew that potatoes were actually roots, but his younger brother had thought they grew on vines. Oh how upset he was during Harvest season when his potato plant didn't produce any potatoes.  
Prussia dug the soil to show the roots and the potatoes, Germany was left in awe. From that point forward he loved gardening, but once he grew into a big, tough guy he had done it in secret because what kind of man does gardening?!

His surroundings changed as he snapped back to reality. "Woah! Look at this treasure!" Jack said as he heard a harp playing and a 'quack' or something like that. "Look at that harp! It's golden! And- Those golden eggs!" The little English boy ran over to a goose who was laying huge golden eggs, hugging it. Prussia saw the goose panicking as it was trying to peck his eyes out.  
"Aw~ she likes me!" Jack said as Prussia gave him a crooked smile.

"I think I've seen this goose before... Oh yeah it's in that other story with the cottager and his wife that kill it to get even more richer, but hah, it wasn't filled with gold." Jack looked at him and excused the idea, he picked the goose in one arm as it dropped another egg.  
Prussia looked at the harp, "so I can leave early I'll pick this up." He moved like a robot to the harp and picked it up, "we gotta go - fast." Prussia said fixing the golden harp in his hold.  
"Where's the door, kid?" "Um... I don't know, I kinda just made my own way."

After hours of avoiding the giant and finding their way out. The Prussian jumped on leaf to leaf, offering Jack a hand. They were half-way down the stalk until they heard the phrase : fee-fi-fo-fum. Prussia scurried faster down the stalk as he helped Jack. They jumped down from a reasonable height. Jacks mother looked at them then up the beanstalk.

"Mother! Axe!" Jack commanded as she ran into house, bringing out two axes. Oh so he had to work too? Fine. Prussia grabbed the heavier looking axe, chipping away at the stalk until its core was smaller and both allowed for it to fall on its own. Jack looked at it swing left to right, his home to the left and an open field to the right. It seemed to sway to the right, Prussia looked at the stalk, "that's pretty awesome- Ow!" He was hit by a flying golden egg, head bumping into stalk making it fall entirely to the left - on top of their home.

Prussia regained his balance, moving to the side to see a dead giant and the house. "Well, with that gold you could buy another house, amirite? Kesese!" He was greeted with a hit on the back of the head by the mother and a kick in the shin by none other than Jack. "Kesese."  
"Jack, I've seen these things before. When your father died he surrendered them to a giant. This used to belong your father!" She said, hugging Jack and twirling him around in her arms.

He smiled at the family of two. Prussia remembered when he used to twirl little Germany around when he got back from fighting, the nostalgia slapping him, smashing his head into the nostalgia glass. Ouch.  
"Erm, bye." He waved feeling the light take him away.

He woke up him the dark room, a blanket draped over his shoulders. "Germany?" He saw an exiting figure, "is that you, kid?" The figure nodded through the dark. Prussia smiled at his younger brother. "Just go to sleep, bruder." Germany said as Prussia nodded, obviously done sleeping. The door closed as Prussia took out his phone for some light. He straightened his back to see a familiar red leather bound book.

He read the title : 'Once Upon a Time with Prussia.' He flipped to the last page to see two words still being written out.

 _ **The End.**_

The magical ink used to write in the book added one last curl on the fancy written letters as Prussia smiled and placed it on an unoccupied shelf.'

Germania closed the book and looked at the two sleeping brothers : Prussia and the newly created Germany. He turned off the lights, disappearing into the darkness of their home.

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 **A/N** : Phew, phew. Done! Only took me two days! Shout out to wikipedia for being awesome, peace out losers!


End file.
